I think I can breathe at last. When I can't see the way out I feel like I'll be there forever. And if I feel this way, then so do other people and they understand. The odd thing is that I forget how it was and see others suffering with it and wonder why are they doing that?
Recording this will help me to recall I hope.
I just finished reading The Reader by Bernhard Schlink; it helped take me out of myself for a while when I was alone and gave me something to think about in a philosophical way which felt good for a change.
I am in love with the word benign right now.
Benign non-active neuroendocrine pancreatic tumors the size of golf balls are miracles.
Kidney stones that require a trip to the emergency room are to be thanked and looked at in philosophical ways too.
The Whipple procedure is a beautiful miracle. Someone took the time to work it all out...how to get to the pancreas, etc., etc.
Day 6 and life is looking so much easier already than just a few days ago.
Morphine epidurals. Hallucinations. Psychological terrorism is what he called them. Dose is lower now being 5ml hour with 5ml extra he can deliver to himself 15 minutes apart if needed. I am happy to see he is using less and learning to manage the pain effectively. But most of all that he needs less.
So I have decided to now read something totally out of left field. It's called "a Short History of Tractors in UKRANIAN". Written by Marina Lewycka. It is touted as 'Mad and hilarious'. Just what the doctor ordered!
I see someone else has blogged about this book, think it's fun to bouce around to see what others are doing and thinking so I highlighted the blog rather than a dry description of the book!